February 2012
1 post
Insecurity
I get it all the time. Sometimes.
I couldn’t give you what you wanted.
I am rushing to the future to get you what you wanted.
But I want to remain in my present.
I am trying so hard.You may feel the same,
all else compared to me and you.
I may take years, but you are already there.
how long more?
Everything is pulling me down dragging me down
slowing my steps.
Drowning me, you...
January 2012
5 posts
Fragments
I tell everyone but myself.
In the depth of my despair and memories, how could I leave just like that?
I still see you, still able to smell your scent, still able to feel the touch of your skin.
But everytime I try, how did you pull me back so effortlessly?
Smile
I knew it all along. It was in me.
Just the same fresh summer air that crossed January as I make my way down the road.
At far sight, through the sea of people, that familiar figure stood, welcoming me.
Each step nearing you, each step reverberated with the beat of my heart.
My vision cleared, as I focused just on that one figure.
To finally see you clearly right in front of me.
Beneath the...
Flesh and bones
Humans are all flesh and bones.
How about soul?
Don’t you ever think about the pain?
Don’t you see the tears?
How about the broken bones and stretched flesh?
Don’t you ever hear… her voice lost in the air?
Betrayal
The body and mind of different world as it crawls to grab your feet and cripples you before it sinks into your blood and turn it cold.
The invisible hammering down your ribcage to the chambers making beat harder to pass it off.
Each touch that reaches the soul grasps every ounce of guilt that runs everywhere in you to your brain till the window sill where it is just left hanging at the...
big thank you
To the new followers, welcome! :) I don’t really update my tumblr frequently but I hope you still stay :)
December 2011
4 posts
2011
A year full of unexpected changes, important messages.
A year that passed a little too fast than the others.
A year I really found true joy and friendship.
The months we spend hidden in books, building friendship and knowledge.
Crying over split milk and climbing back up.
Backing up the peers, believing in them.
Hand in hand, just believing and trust.
The days I was finally free from them.
With...
Till then.
From days to months to what felt like years.
I thought I could let it leave.
Yet deep down, I still find you there.
A closed untreated memory.
Still finding or waiting for a day I could let you free.
Let me free.
How long would it take?
Change
Might have a change of url soon. If you guys have linked me on other blogs, please keep a look out for a link change yeah.
Seat
There I go again, I placed myself at the place you used to sat.
I could almost smell the cologne you wore that rub against my sleeve.
I listened to the same song when we sat together.
I closed my eyes, just wishing when I open my eyes, you would be beside me with that smile I missed a lot.
November 2011
11 posts
December
Why does every december seem so blue?
The weather would fit the mood of the down.
It seemed like every season have their theme.
I reach for the cold droplets trickling down to earth, felt like the blood in me.
Icy cold.
Tainted pale cheeks stained with hot scalding tears that no body would see because I refused.
I apologize to those who cared for me
Because I focused blindly.
fateful rainy day
Yes, it was just a random day.
But a day I thought I could catch you.
The time running out, it seemed slow but fast.
I sat just a distance away from you, separated by rain.
Heavy stormy rain pouring down the roads with loud traffic
and the gushing waters that the moving car passed through.
I could have ran, I just need a one look, one picture in my mind.
I spared a thought for them.
I...
long way
What it seemed like an eon, just passed miserably in days.
I ran as far as I could, pretended I have put you to the back of my mind.
Nothing more would have mattered to see your name on the screen.
I thought I have been strong, but when I leave the crowd, what a paper am I.
Like a paper crumbled into a ball, unfolded again to receive joy, receive fresher inks,
to pretend I am fresh and new,...
Journey
I sit in a bus of memories. The bus we took together. Right to the back, before the last two seats on the left side where I would not leave.
We’d passed by many tall buildings who became the witnesses of us.
Many sleepy trees,grasses and night lights that became part of the memory embedded lightly as the background of us.
We’d passed by the places that remind us of our silly...
Hate
Yes, I could have hated myself so much to leave you. To cut off all connections and let me drift to the widest despair.
Never knew it hurt so much, knew it was me, the feeling was familiar but I never once wished it would come back to pay a visit and stay…
Falling
Falling in love is not by choice but by chance. You cannot blame youself but the rusty smell that filled the air dampen every molecule that surround.
It felt heavier than guilt, the reek of dirty blood you wish you never want to fall.
Speechless
What can I say, to a heart and a body belonging to two different people?
The guilt that run deep in the blood or the adrenaline that rushes through the brain?
The pain felt given and taken, anyone with a broken arrow anchored in the flesh of a beating muscle would know.
When I see you so distraught, I couldn’t help hurting inside. Yet, at the back of my mind subconsiously, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. My hands of another lover,my heart yet another.
It sorted of stretched my mind, in her greatest flexibility, I could have cut off all means, the ship could have sinked.
But it was unfair to you. Because all along, you were innocent, never part...
11.11
No, it was just another ordinary day to me.
Until I decided I could make the best out of it.
I would, I should make the best out of everyday.
I am glad, I did, though I tried to run.
You gave your surprise, I pretended to be a fool.
I like the naiveness that hung around us for awhile.
I was never wrong to say you were good with that bashful smile.
We had a little fun messing around, this...
Forgetting
I am trying to remember to forget about you. I grew tired and weary, like the broken brown twigs that laid still.
Could have been, would have been, should have done.
Should I start anew? To be like that green that swirls gently in the autumn wind.
I would..
I would miss the way I ran up the bus to sit beside you.
The way you took out your earpiece gently to speak to me.
The smell of your cologne that linger on my jacket.
The way you spoke softly
The way you smiled shyly when you made a mistake.
The sweet little awkwardness that hung around between us for a bit.
The way you asked and concerned
The way you said bye
The way you look out the window.
...
October 2011
5 posts
aquarius
that is it.
Because we got so much in common and so much in difference.
because our flaws clashes, nobody gives in to another.
because I’m here trying to figure out the best of you, the thoughts that rummaged your mind , trying to give my best to bring a smile to your dimple face
but you don’t think, you don’t bother.
you come and go, you leave hopes and ran.
I got tired...
“can anybody hear me? am I talking to myself?”
– Astronaut
same
We are all the same.
No matter how different, still the same.
If you realize.
forgotten
I got to admit, I have forgotten.
What a strange iridescence surrounding me tonight.
Pangs of guilt, bundle of joys, hushed silence, hostile eyes.
blissfully oblivious, droning voices, wave of fear, clouded with shock,fatigue
mask of agony,labored breathing,brainwaves, nostalgic flavors,
grueling thoughts,spellbound, beacons of hope, leaps of faith,
guilty pleasure,incurring wrath, alleviate...
people
people come and go. people change. from the last step I set foot here, many things passed and changed. I grew and learnt.
In a blink of an eye,I’m taking my national exams tomorrow, time never waits.
I grew to hurt to love to leave.
I changed for the better, for the worst.
love fades and love comes.
I could be writing about the very same person but I could be perplexed about him....
June 2011
3 posts
Shell
It’s a shell that I’m just holding on to. Slowly I’ll crumble into pieces and fall like dominoes. my warmness fades away and I’ll grow a ice cold jar of hearts.
Comfort
Trying to be strong but pieces of me kept falling apart. Telling myself it’s not the end and the world still rotates but it seems like I’m the only one who felt it stopped rotating and I can never get out of this cycle.
Killer
Waking up after I had a bad dream without u by my side feels so terrifying . Turning back to sleep embracing ur last touch of the pillow . Smelling your scent kills me deeper.
March 2011
7 posts
1 tag
formspring.me
Ask me anything http://formspring.me/ferrerojuliet
1 tag
heyy how did you get through the holiday season....
slacking and dreaming and playing , my new year resolution is to work and play hard!
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1 tag
hiya hun u a member of any other social networking...
eh, quite a number.
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1 tag
Don't stop writing.
thank you :D inspiring !
Ask me anything
1 tag
Would you rather take a picture or have your...
both.
Ask me anything
running
It brings me down all the time when I try endlessly to keep running and keep in pace with you when I know you had your time I haven’t even pass mine.
The conversations that runs around is never the same , I’m the one that fades into the background every time because I haven’t met the world.
hello there.
I know it have been zillion years since my last entry. Sometimes I thought I would just abandon this blog but sometimes again, thoughts continue to haunt me so I’m sandwiched , badly.
Then again, I’m busy with school ,all I thought about is sleep. :)
When I was about to log in , there is this rising fear in me that my followers are gone , but you guys are still around , instant...
January 2011
5 posts
runaway
I run away because I don’t want to fight anymore. Because I don’t know how to face myself , my esteem and what could be , I’m still a human after all and humans have feelings that sometimes we wished they weren’t there. All that thoughts that penetrates deeply into my mind , harming me as evil as it seems.
growing up
Love is a war , a battle , it is watching each other growing up , watching me falling into you deeper each day , watching me fall and pick me up , watching me picking my pieces up from a wreck , you know you don’t have to do anything because you complete me.
you
As we grow , from tears to joys , anger to disappointment , hanging in those moments you wish you’d never forget , everyday is a new page of a miracle , a story we made from scratch and hoping we’d never had to finish the last sentence till the end of time.
back to one
Whenever we fight , I thought back about the times we first met , date and that’s enough to ease the pain for a moment, thinking things weren’t supposed to be this way.
terribly sorry
that I did not have the time to do some quality writings here. I’ll be back and love you guys , thanks for following :) you people are awesome , sincerely.
December 2010
15 posts
year
Another year to many unexpected changes , anticipation , uncertainties and what may. I’m just more that glad this year though maybe unexpected, I found you. Many people would continue to break us apart , tell us things we don’t want to hear , but we would continue as strong as ever, I would be saying, he’s mine.
loveasadisaster
Thank you for following , your blog has everything I want :)
everythangiloveleaves
Thank you for following , you got a cool blog there :)
Future
I have no idea how long this journey will go, in reality , people do change. They might get distracted by other temptations and leave. I do have doubts and insecurity , but I give my all because I want to believe I have nothing to lose and you will never leave me no matter how hard it’s going to be.
I don’t show , but I really hope you know I love you more that you can ever imagine...
swing
You pretty much take control of my feelings. You make me feel like I’m the only one in the world , yet you can pull me straight six feet down. So really, I guess I found that best friend , soul mate and enemy all in you.
That’s really all what we’re looking for , right?
1 tag
formspring.me
Ask me anything http://formspring.me/ferrerojuliet
1 tag
How much do you love AwKeeLi ?! :X
awesomely much! :)
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Will you be my escape?
hmmm, it depends on who you’re ..
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Guts
I’m tired of spilling my guts which never lead to peace but fights. Because you can never understand. Perhaps silence is gold.